Turning to a new page......

Recently there was a trend when many people updated their facebook status as " off to IIT Powai " , " got COEP ", " joining BITS Pilani " and many more on similar lines. It was really nice to see so many of my friends getting into such good colleges and I was even happy for them ( rather tried very hard to do so!) However in a small corner of my mind I too longed to update such a flashy status and show-off.......
But today when I too can update my status saying "off to BITS Pilani Goa !! " it just doesn't seem right . I don't understand how to handle the varied emotions boiling inside me. On one hand I'm happy that I'll be getting the prestigious BITSian tag in a few days but on the other, the thought of leaving dear ones torments me .

Actually when the list was out and I confirmed my admission there , all these things never came to my mind ( and even if they did it didn't seem a big deal then!) . Just yesterday someone told me in passing that I had just four days left of my stay in Pune. It was then that it hit me (finally!!) and my mind started racing down the valley of thoughts and worries and fears.
Fear was the first thing I ruled out of my mind .I had already learnt in my recent past through my own experience (wouldn't like to go into the details now ) that fear is not going to help me in any situation what so ever.I thought to myself (rather convinced myself) that I was definetely not afraid of facing a bunch of students who are more or less in the same situation as I am .So what was it that was troubling me ?

As I was pondering over this, I remembered how as a small kid I would cry aloud and make a big scene to go to school. My very first day of school and there I was clutching my mom's saree tightly with tears in my eyes and determined not to leave her . Today the situation is quite different but the small kid inside me still is not ready to leave her safe home and go and stay with strangers for the next five years. Surely I 'll manage to survive, as I got used to going to school(and later enjoyed it like anything , however that is a completely different story) . But still how am I going to live without my mom who is always there supporting me , my father who is always there to discipline me, my sweet younger brother who is always chattering excitedly and comes to me with all his problems .Moreover how am I going to live without my dear friends........

Maybe I'll make new friends there but I 'm pretty sure those bonds won't be as strong as those I share with my friends here. I am going to miss all those stupid comments, silly jokes, crazy hangouts, endless talks over small things, gossips that ticked off everyone, recording videos of mad things we did. . . . .it's really going to be hard living without my friends( eighteen years of friendship and hoping to keep it for several more years coming ahead)
Life is going to be different, of that I am sure what's left to be seen is whether it's going to be harder than I expect or not .Whatever it maybe I'll have to live with it . Probably I'll learn to be independent and responsible when I am on my own but I'll surely miss depending on a friend to do my job when I get stuck up .
It hurts to say goodbye when you know that you aren't going to meet that person again for a long time. Maybe I 'll call up and chat with my friends but still how long can one talk on the phone . . . . .No matter how hard I try to convince myself that I 'll remain as close to them as I was ,I can't neglect the sad truth that we 'll be parted by spaces between us ....
The burden in my heart is heavier than the baggage I'll be carrying in my hand .I am unaware of how the days to come are going to turn out , maybe not as happy as the ones that passed away but still I live in the hope that tomorrow will be , if not better atleast as good as yesterday. . . .